I have a few dating anecdotes which I think could apply here. The stories come from far and wide, from girlfriends and boyfriends, husbands and wives and might give us a little insight into how others are getting on in the dating game.
The first could be titled ‘how much is too much?’
Its about a man who loved a little too obsessively and woman who started to suffocate.
Let’s call them Angie and Dave.
The couple met on a holiday to Cape Town where everything seemed romantic, European, exotic.
Holiday romances are always a little more unreal than regular romances. Dave was spontaneous and unpredictable and Angie found him irresistible. The couple saw each other every day for 2 weeks and in that time Dave took Angie out for fabulous dinners and bought her little things if she pointed anything out as the walked around the city.
They fell for each other and Dave enjoyed being in the position to be able to spoil and impress his new girl.
As good things do, this holiday came to an end and Angie was going back to Pretoria where Dave would be heading for Port Elizabeth. They wouldn’t be seeing each other for at least a month. They had decided to try it long distance.
Suddenly Dave felt threatened. He would no longer be around to spoil and ‘woo’ her. He was going to have to impress her from 700 miles away and he wasn’t as confident about this as he had been about having her right beside him.
He had fallen in love and was pretty desperate to have Angie feel the same way.
And she did. Sort of. Angie is more the kind of girl that loves having fun; loves a good time and cute presents but hates to feel smothered. She wasn’t what you’d call devastated to have a little space after the holiday but she looked forward to their next encounter. And they did have a few more after Cape Town, with Dave going up to Pretoria and Angie flying to PE but Dave was falling seriously for Angie and finding it harder and harder to show her from a distance.
His gifts were becoming more and more extravagant, but it was the last that sent Angie running for the hills. When Dave presented her with a document proving he had bought and named a star after her, she realised he was in this a little deeper than what she was and she wasn’t sure how much more she could handle. There was no doubt she liked him and loved the odd fling and whirl of romance, but all the gifts and intense messages declaring overpowering love became just that: overpowering and Angie found it difficult to bare.
Needless to say it ended in tears.
In a weird way I can relate to Dave. I think it can be difficult to stop yourself from becoming a loon when you feel that someone might slip away from you. You want to feel like you’ve done everything in your power to keep them in your life, but ironically this can really push someone away. People don’t want to feel that you are desperate for them. They just want to feel loved.
Figuring out how to be reasonable about it is more about being comfortable with yourself than with your partner.
My guess is that Dave was a little insecure. We’ve all been there (or is it just me?!). The minute you can find your quiet confidence and put as much effort into your relationship with yourself as you do with your partner, they will surely be drawn to you and half the job is done.